A Way of Life

Let me be real with you for just one moment. This might be the most important blog you read throughout our stories and travels….and I hope if you read any blog in its entirety, it is this one.

I have spoken a lot about the beauty of this country, but not much about their way of life. It is 3:45 am in the morning here and I am not quite sure when I will post this blog due to the lack of internet access, but while today was filled with adventure, fun, and laughter..I am choosing to write about something more meaningful here….the way of life in Cambodia through my eyes.

I have had the great honor and privilege to travel to this land and stay in hotels and guest houses thus far….but more importantly I have been granted to opportunity to sit and eat, laugh, and enjoy the company of Bong’s aunts, uncles, and cousins. Through these very real visits, my eyes have been open to an everyday world outside of my own.

Life is hard here. A flushing toilette is a luxury found only in an Americanized/European styles hotel. Toilette paper is scarce (to be honest, I haven’t found it in any home or public rest area yet. We have the luxury of sitting on a seat while urinating….here, you stand to urinate over a bowl and pour stored water into it when completed.

We shower in luxury as well. Most homes have a shower stall, bath tub…some combined and other separate. While we house shop in the states, a tub is often sought after…..after all, don’t we deserve to relax after a hard day of work with candles, bubbles, and possibly a glass of wine? Right. Here, if you are lucky enough to have the money, you might have a spray house that sits in the bathroom in which you spray yourself to clean…but don’t forget to close the toilette seat….that’s right, it is simply all one small enclosed area.


I don’t say this in a judgmental manner; I say this in hopes of opening minds to see how fortunate we are. I have always thought of myself as an appreciative person, but now I am ashamed of all the amenities I have taken for granted…

Traveling as a child, my parents would bring me on cruises, road trips, and flying was just another means of transportation to a faraway place. Here, you pile on a moped, or in the back of a truck with the rest of the family and begin your hours on the road to visit family or the beach, perhaps. I must warn you, though…. You look around and many are wearing masks due to the obscene amount of dust flying about…and the roads are not the roads we know back home. Think about how many times you have complained about that pot hole you ran over…. Well, let me share with you, at times the whole road feels like a pothole.

Driving to auntie’s house at home, you may stop for dairy queen along the way….If you are Sean, possibly a Starbuck’s. Here, you stop for cooked insects and frogs….

Sean and I laughed last night before heading to bed because of a comment I made. I said, “I feel like I have been here for a month and it’s only been 3 days!” My laughter was taken over by a feeling a shamefulness. How dare I take for granted everything I have been given in my life….my education, the ease of taking [Excedrine] because my head is hurting; how dare I ever again complain that my feet hurt after a hard day of work. How dare I complain that my car or house is ever too hot; how dare I complain about needing new sneakers, a massage, or anything of that nature.

I dread going home, heading back to work….entering a room to give a patient their pills and hearing them say “my water needs ice”, “my pillow case hasn’t been changed and it is noon”, “I need to slipper socks”. All very common complaints I am preparing myself to hear.

Poverty is something I thought existed in the “ghetto”, the poor sections of the city…..but it actually exists in an entire country. The middle class is still less than our lowest poverty level.

As many of you know, Sean and I live in downtown New Haven. We also have our gorgeous Bella who we walk frequently….because of this we have had the opportunity to get to know some of the less fortunate in our area. One homeless man, who Sean and I speak with often, once asked Sean to check his balance on his phone. Balance? How can a homeless man have a balance of any sorts? Well, in the US, not all of our shelters are free. Our government gives these people a daily allowance. When they go to the shelter, they give their number and it is deducted from their account. This balance comes from that paycheck you work for. So, what is my point of this? If you don’t have shelter or your farm has failed and you lose your land (and your hut), then so be it… there are no food stamps, no homeless shelters… it is what it is.

Sean’s cousin who attends college for civil engineering here ($500 a month---which is extremely expensive), was explaining that after high school, two of her best friends were married off. One of whom was married off to a 35 y/o man overseas. I asked if she would also have an arranged marriage. She explained, “I can pick my husband, but it is a 50/50 thing with my parents. They must also like him. What happened to my friends, my mother said is very, very bad”. You see, the girl who was married off overseas to this very rich man has parents who are receiving money here. We call this a mail order bride. She explained to us that some 18 year olds marry men who are 40 or 50 years old. I can see all your faces now, some sad…some disgusted…and some throwing out their moral judgments perhaps. Let us just stop for a moment and sit to appreciate the freedom that is given to us….the freedom that we have as American’s. The freedom that we were lucky enough to be granted…the freedom our forefathers fought for us to have.

Something interesting to note is that E Roth , at the age of 17, also left Cambodia with her sister (Sean’s mother) to a refugee camp in Thailand, a very dangerous and life threatening escape. Every night she had a dream of her mother asking her to go back to Cambodia and complete her studies. Because of the reoccurring dreams, E Roth returned to Cambodia. The people of this land have hope that one day it will become prosperous again. Cambodia was set back many of years following the war. Travelling through this country sometimes feels as if I am walking through the past….but a past filled with love, laughter, and hopeful faces.